grip rose

Daddy Doms

Often, i am asked what a Daddy Dom is by those that have never explored that area and are curious, what it means to me.  You say BDSM and what comes to mind for most is a dark smoky club, lots of leather and whips, bondage and the sounds of sex. For me, a Daddy Dom is not about the traditional leather and cuff kind of relationship, and its far from the kink and the sex. Its not about the sex because its about something much deeper for me. Let me start by breaking this down into part. So lets get some of the vocabulary out of the way for those that do not know. .

"Chains of steel will rust with time chains of the heart will only grow stronger" -Unknown

Dominance (also called Domination) - In terms of BDSM and D/s, this term refers to taking control of a person through some means. I.E. such as physical, mental, financial, etc. They do this in order  to exercise this power. A person who exercises this power on a regular basis, outside of BDSM scenes, is called a Dominant; the gender specific titles being Dom or Master for a man. Domme, Domina, Dominatrix, or Mistress for a woman.

submission - In BDSM and D/s, this refers to the act of yielding to something or someone; also refers to the state of submitting. This may be through the manipulation of a Dominant or Top. Typically, someone who submits on a regular basis, outside of a BDSM scene, is referred to as a submissive. Submissives who submit to an extreme degree are called slaves.

Submissives Creed -

"I will not allow myself to
be harmed or abused. I know that submissive does not equal doormat."

Dom/Master - Regardless of which term you use, this word represents the Male Authority Figure. The guide, the teacher, the lover. There is no set list of what a Dominate is out side of being the authority, because how they display that dominance is as unique to them as there are stars  in the sky. All over the net, you can find traits of what a dominate is. The number one line I have seen about Dominates is "You can not Master another, Until You can Master Yourself." Basically what it amounts to is you have to have control of your emotions, and your own life, coupled with the desire to lead another's in a healthy, sane, safe and consensual way.

Daddy - We all know what a daddy is and what he is not. On the most basic level, it is a Male who has provided sperm to create life.  But is that all there really is to being a Daddy? Of course not. Being a real Daddy is vitally important to the development of any child's life. How they behave, their reactions to any given situation, how they respond and communicate with their spouse and their children will develop those children in the base of ways and set down learned reactions that could at worst take a life time to relearn proper methods of social behavior. At best guide a child into not only being a model citizen, but the best of what humanity has to offer.

Dominates Creed -

"A Dom/me Understands the Fragile nature of Mind and Body and Never violates the Trust Given to Them."

So now that we have some of that out of the way, the question is, how does all of this tie together to form the Daddy Dom?
What you get is a Dominate Male, who is not your father. A man that wishes to guide you and mold you. To cherish You and support You. I can hear some of you now though saying, 'Wait, isn't that what a traditional BDSM Dom/Master does?'

And yes, it is.

There is no disputing that every Dominate Male has a side of Him that will exhibit Daddy like qualities, and conversely, every Daddy type that will exhibit some Dom/Master qualities. But what blends the two for me to create the (nearly) perfect Daddy Dom is how the non top space is handled.

When a Dom/Master deals with His top space; He often creates or sets up times. These times are designated play times. Times when He is in full on top space and pushes his partner into full on sub-space. That or a more adaptive Dom will keep things on an even keel and use trigger words to ease in and out of that top space. So that his partner knows without a doubt what His frame of mind is, and the rest of time, they are simply in a more mellow space sharing their lives. A good article to read about that easing in and out of that top space with key words can be found here .

For me, its that non top space that truly defines the Daddy Dom from the typical Dom/Master. A baby~girl sub doesn't need full on top space from her Daddy~Dom as much as a typical submissive might crave from her Dom/Master. At least for me its not this way. The reason why its not this way, is because for me, being His baby~girl is not about the sex (though that is always awesome). Its not about the kink or the pain (all of which i adore).

To use some metaphors; Its about knowing that when I scrape my knee, Daddy will pick me off, and put a band aid on it, while telling me how brave I am and that i can go back out there and get on my bike again.. because He has faith in me. Its about knowing he will be there when I go to bed, and I don't have to worry about the monster under my bed, cause Daddy will kick its ass and there is nothing to fear in the dark that is stronger then Him. Its about knowing.. that its ok to cry, because Daddy will give me a hug and kiss away my tears.

These things are not about the kink, or the sex or the pain. He doesn't need to be in top space to chuckle when I want to color in a coloring book. When I give in to my child like wonder of the world, I don't have to worry about being told to shut up and grow up. Its ok to let out that inner child and just dance in the sunlight and be free in that innocent way a child is.. and know that no one will hurt me. Knowing that He will keep me safe when i am naive. Knowing that when i over work myself to please every one around me and I can't physically say "no..I need to break" That he will put his hand out and say it for me.  Its about knowing that when I feel small and fragile.. its not about an insecurity or a weakness.. that I just need my Daddy to hold me close and tell me every thing is going to work out. Its about security and reassurance.

It takes a special man to not say "that's high maintenance...that's being a princess and your no sub" Because yes, in a way its being a princess, its being Daddy's princess and for Daddy? There is Nothing I would not do. The trust is limitless and I would die trying to make him happy. So its not about being the spoiled sub who wants every thing for herself kind of princess. Its the knowing that I am His princess, and that I am cherished always.  This behavior, and the chose set of vocabulary words, in fact make a Daddy's girl very easy to care for, and in the same token, very easy to manipulate. So she has to take care in who she choses for a Daddy, and who she will give that level of trust and devotion to.

For other articles on Daddy Doms here are two great links
Social Pervsion: DaddyDom: What it means for his baby girl
Daddy Denial: What is a Daddy Dom
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